I think I've over-committed myself, and I'm realizing a busy life is not necessarily a fulfilling life, nor is extra cash all that comforting.

I also realized how I've used a couple little things over the years to put my mind at ease, without which I can't relax.  One being keeping my car clean and in perfect working order.  Maybe it's because of the family I come from, or maybe I've just replaced the little hot wheel I carried around as a kid with a real car, but when it's dirty, or something isn't working right, it bothers me to no end.  The other thing is having a clean house.  If nothing else is going right, if I'm broke and unemployed or worn out, coming home to a clean house sets me at ease.

Lately, the clean house just seems cold, sterile and empty.  Then I added a 5th car to my mess of automobiles, only to find that now all of my cars have things that need fixing, and I've had to drive the firebird to work daily.  The handful of little things I used to use to pretend I have control of the world around me aren't really under my control.

September 29th I started working at UNL again.  The temp agency called me around 9:30 that morning and set up a 10:30 interview.  The interview went well, and they said they'd think about it for a few hours and call me back, which ended up being about an hour, so they called back at 11:30 asking me to start that day at 1pm, lol.  It's a decent job, accounts payable and purchasing for the engineering building, which pays fairly well and I seem to be well liked, so I could get on permanently.

I've also been working security since May at the VA Hospital, so I'm there from 7am to 7pm Saturday and Sunday, on top of the 8 to 5 Monday through Friday at UNL.  Unfortunately, the sergeant at the hospital has decided to be a hardass, and wants no one watching tv, no computers, no talking on the phone, thus ensuring our only entertainment is the inside of our eyelids.  The hospital is closed nights and weekends, so in 12 hours all I do is open the door for 3 or 4 employees who come in to do paperwork, the occasional dead body coming in to the morgue, and then walk around aimlessly for the other 11 and a half hours.

Tuesday nights I've switched to 2nd grade youth group, which has been a blast.  Thursday nights I'm tutoring one or two of my junior high kids, and trying to stay involved with them.

That leaves 2 or 3 nights to get everything else done.  I spent several weeks shopping for a car to replace the blazer, hoping to keep it under $3k.  I settled on a '97 cutlass supreme, which has some cosmetic issues, and so far has needed an O2 sensor, power steering pump, and still has a service engine light on.  The water pump blew on the truck, so I can't drive it at all.  The firebird is fine, aside from the new and obnoxiously noisy power window motor, but since I have to park on the street and walk 8 blocks to my office, I hate driving it.  Especially since the only parking is at 20th & R where all the construction is happening.

I've been talking to a guy about possibly starting a band, trying to decide what songs to do to get started, but I haven't even felt like playing guitar.  I have 2 weeks to learn the songs for my roommates wedding.  Former-roommate I guess, since they moved out a couple weeks ago.

Living alone is a little strange.  At first I was looking forward to it since I can finally afford it, but now I don't really care.  I don't need 1500 square feet to myself.  My xbox is broken, so there isn't much to do at home anyway, lol, other than sit there trying to get the three red lights to show up so microsoft will fix it for free under warranty.

Cliffs notes:  Everything is changing, different isn't always better.

At least I can copy my music from my external HD to my work computer, so Tori Amos can sing to me all day.

I volunteered to watch my 3 and 5 year old nieces for three days last week, since my brother was working, and my sister-in-law's babysitter was on vacation.  They are adorable, but they are also alot like my brother when he was a kid, so they are always a handful.  Watching them for several days is also much different than a few hours one evening, so I thought it would be a good test of my parenting skills, or lack thereof.

I prepared by making a trip to the store for crayons, coloring books, playdoh, and anything else I could think of to distract them from the enticing guitars, amplifiers, electronics, and other non-kid friendly items that fill my house.  Easy enough, I thought.

Monday morning, after Heather dropped them off, I installed the two car seats in the back of the firebird (there's a first time for everything), and we headed for Target to get some basic food stuffs, another thing my apartment is usually lacking, and other things for entertainment.  They did pretty well all through the store.  Naturally, they had to point to something in every aisle and say, "Uncle B, can we have that!?" with the greatest look of excitement you'll ever see.

"Nope, sorry," I replied, which quelled them, at least until the next aisle.

Once we got to the checkout though, they realized I was tethered to the interaction with the cashier and the debit machine, and seized that opportunity to get noisy and randomly steal the cart away to run it into things.  Predictable enough.

Once we got home, I established the timeout chair, and let them know that there would be more rules during this visit to Uncle B's than there had been prior, since neither of their parents were with them.  No touching the guitars, or the television, or the computer, or the computer monitor, the list went on.  I dug out the old Super Nintendo first, and showed them the basics of running and jumping.  The caught on pretty fast, but were still much more interested in the gigantic xbox 360 controller that would barely fit in their hands.

For dinner, I started with the usual pasta and sausage, with some vegetables, not a kid favorite and they proved it by poking at it for a while, before exclaiming that "I don't like dis" as they pointed to the sausages in the pasta sauce.  I should have just made them noodles and red sauce and saved myself some time.

After watching some cartoons, I made beds for them on two of the couches, turned on some Beethoven, and sat on the living room computer nearby while they talked each other to sleep.  Morgan decided the couch was too hot, and rolled off onto the floor, while Emily had to walk over to me a few times to remind me "I don't peepee in my pants any more, Uncle B!".

Once they were out, I brought down a sleeping bag and another pillow to sleep near them on the floor, just in case they did wake up in a new place and couldn't find me.

The next morning came, 7:30 to be exact, as I woke up to see Emily sitting on my pillow right in front of my face, "Hi Uncle B!"

"Why is my pillow talking, get over here so I can rest my head again."

"Uncle B, I'm not a pillow!"

They seemed to love shredded mini-wheats at the store, and were excited for breakfast.  I set their bowls in front of their faces and they picked up their spoons, so I sat down to my own bowl, as their faces sank.

"Uncle B, where's our drinks?"

"You have milk in your cereal."

Emily starts crying a little bit dramatically.

"But we always get a drink.........."

"Well if you're still thirsty after your cereal, I'll get you a drink."

Apparently, there's a routine that needs to be followed for breakfast, or chaos ensues.

Tuesday saw many more cartoons, since Dave brought over several dvd's.  Later we walked to the park nearby, in hopes that I'd wear them out and wouldn't have to chase them around the house as much.  It was pretty warm out, so we didn't stay long.

"Have you kids ever had a Rootbeer Float?"

"Um, what's that?"

"It's rootbeer with icecream in it."

"Ice Cream!"

We walked to the gas station on the way back to get some rootbeer.  Back at home, as I made their highly-requested peanut butter and jelly sandwiches:

"Are you going to make us the ice cream rootbeer's now Uncle B?

"In a minute, I will."  As I handed the glasses to each of them with a spoon, their eyes lit up, as if they'd never tasted anything better.

More cartoons and coloring followed.  At some point one of them must have been up in my bedroom with crayonds in their hands, as the 5 white shirts hanging on my computer chair all ended up with red crayon streaks across them. 

A while later, as Emily was in the bathroom, I heard Morgan go in as well, and they were playing and arguing about something, when I heard a big thud.  I open the door to see Emily sitting on the toilet, and Morgan sprawled on the floor, holding a towel rack in her hand and a surprised look on her face.

"Morgan, why did you tear Uncle B's towel rack out of the wall?"

"I don't know.............here"

"Are you supposed to hand and climb on towel racks?"

"No........"

"Well, you get 5 minutes on the timeout chair."

"Okay...."

Not long after that they did start losing some energy.  I turned on Ice Age, and Morgan fell asleep behind me on the couch.  Emily was watching the movie, but she cannot sit still during anything.  She always has to be walking around, sitting upside down, kicking her legs around.  She wandered off to the kitchen for a few minutes before I realized she wasn't returning, so I went to investigate.

She was sitting on the kitchen floor with my 2nd copy of Cars, The Movie, since they inherited the first one and I bought another for myself.

"Uncle B, I can't get dis tape off"

"Emily, that's not tape, that's the cover of the dvd.  You know you're not supposed to play with the dvd's, don't you?"

"Yes"

"Ok, back out to watch cartoons please."

That night they didn't get tired until pretty late, since Morgan had a nap, and Emily just never stops.  To help the process along, I decided to use a blanket and some chairs to build a fort in the living room.

"Have you guys ever built a fort?"

"How do you make a fork?"

"Not a fork, a fort, like a tent to sleep in, see?"

After they wrestled with each other inside of it for a while trying to figure out how they could both be inside and still see the tv, I set their pillows side by side at the one end, and finished watching Ratatouille before falling asleep.

Wednesday was a trip to the pool, more cartoons, more coloring, and more Super Mario.  For whatever the reason, they both really struggled with the "no touching the tv" rule.  Morgan got up out of the blue during one cartoon, sprinted to the tv, slapped the screen, and ran back to her seat.

"Morgan, why did you do that?"

"I don't know."

"You must have a reason.  You know you're not supposed to touch the tv, but you got up and ran straight for it."

"I just wanted to touch his hand."

Anyhow, that night I took them over to David's father's since I had to work the next 5 days.  I think it went pretty well.  They definitely don't entertain themselves too well, and want constant attention.  Emily is also pretty dramatic, letting me know countless times, usually after she did something she shouldn't, that "I won't be your friend anymore!".  Ignoring all their tantrums is the best bet, as once they learn you're not going to pay attention to that behavior, it has no reward, so they come back over looking to cuddle or do something to get positive attention again.

They grow so flippin' fast though, hopefully I'll be able to see them more often.  I still need to call maintenance to get my towel rack put back up, and if you're wondering, crayons come out pretty easily with soap and cold water.

Sullivan Street   by Counting Crows
                  from August and Everything After
                  Words:  Adam Duritz
                  Music:  Adam Duritz & David Bryson


Intro:  D   D/G   D   D/G   D   D/G  D   D/G

D                      D/G                D                D/G
  Take the way home    that leads back to Sullivan Street
D                      D/G                  D        D/G
  Across the water     and home through the town
D                      D/G                 D           D/G
  Past the shadows     that fall down wherever we meet
D                      D/G                 D    D/G
  Pretty soon now,     I won't come around      //// (strong strum)

                  A               Em
      I'm almost drowning in her sea
                    G             D
      She's nearly fallen to her knees
      D            D/G                        D      D/G
      Take the way home .....(Ba, Ba, Baaaa)

D                      D/G                D                D/G
  Take the way home    that leads back to Sullivan Street
D                      D/G              D           D/G
  Where all the bodies   hang on the air
D                      D/G                   D     D/G
  If she remembers me   she hides it whenever we meet
D                      D/G           D       D/G
  Either way now      I don't really care

'Cause I'm long, long gone from there

                 A                    Em
      I'm almost drowning in her sea
                      G               D    (arpeggio*)
      she's nearly crawling on her knees

      D/G     D      D/G

      D                 D/G
      She's down on her knees
      D                 D/G
      She's down on her knees

(strum)

D                  D/G                  D             D/G
  Take the way home  that leads back to Sullivan Street
              D                   D/G           D    D/G
   Where I'm just another rider   burned to the ground

Come tumbling down

                A               Em
     I'm almost drowning in her sea
                      G                Em
     She's nearly  crawling on her knees
                    G             D      D/G    D   D/G
     It's almost  everything I need.

                 D               D/G
I'm down on my knees
                 D               D/G
I'm down on my knees

I'm down on....
                 D    D/G
    down on my knees.
                    D
   I'm down on my knees.